I think it is funny, in an ironic way, that so many people try to tell us how to identify and refer to ourselves. They say we shouldn’t use identity first language when we say we are autistic. We should say we are people with autism because we are people first.
“Meltdown” is a pretty commonly used phrase these days. When I use it I don’t just mean that I lost my shit because something didn’t go my way. I am referring to the frightening, overwhelming, out of control experience of an overload induced meltdown. We most commonly refer to children as having meltdowns, but autistic (and other wise neurodivergent) adults experience them too.
I spend so much of my time in public *not stimming*. I really wish I was more comfortable letting others see me move the way I want to….. need to.
Some days I wake up feeling good, I am productive and get to the end of the day feeling pretty good. Some days I wake up feeling good, but somewhere along the way things go a bit off and I abandon plans in favour of resting to avoid overload. Some days I wake up and nothing feels right, the whole day is a struggle and the best way to describe how I feel is just “wonky”. Wonky days are difficult to manage, but I am getting better at it.
“Just be yourself”, they say.
“Be proud of who you are.”
“Everyone has something to offer.”
“Be fearlessly authentic.”
I have been having a really hard time lately managing the often perceived to be small things of a normal life. Cleaning, shopping, planning meals, answering emails.
Neurodivergence is “having a brain that functions in ways that diverge significantly from the dominant societal standards of “normal.”” (quote from Nick Walker’s blog)
That does not mean that to be neurodivergent is uncommon, just that the dominant societal stand of normal is different than what you are.
In my article “Behaviour Management” I said,
“There is a different way to support change in a child’s behaviour than imposing our own will over theirs. It begins with letting go of the temptation to manage behaviours, and replace it with the goal of meeting needs.“
I’m in an uncomfortable state of shifting thoughts and feelings lately. I’ve written in the past 6 months about learning to live better with an increased understanding of my needs. But writing about it is easier than the doing of it. It is one thing to process these things as thoughts, and another entirely to live it.